Let’s start with the hard truth: Perfectionism is not about high standards. It’s about fear.

It’s the fear of failure. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of disappointing people. The fear that if you make one wrong move, the whole thing will come crashing down.

Yet, we wear perfectionism like a badge of honor. We humblebrag about being “just a little too detail-oriented” or “having impossibly high standards” as if this is a good thing. But let’s be honest—perfectionism is exhausting. It steals our time, joy, and ability to finish things because nothing ever feels “good enough.”

So why do we do this to ourselves? And more importantly, how do we stop?

The Myth of Perfection: Why It’s a Moving Target

One of the biggest lies perfectionism tells us is that there’s an ideal version of everything—the perfect career, the perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect project. And if we just try harder, we can reach it.

But here’s the kicker: perfection isn’t a real destination.

It’s a constantly shifting target, always just out of reach. You tell yourself, I’ll feel successful when I reach this milestone, but once you get there, the bar moves. You tell yourself, I’ll feel confident when I fix this flaw, but another one takes its place as soon as you do.

Perfectionism is a hamster wheel; no matter how fast you run, you’ll never get where you’re trying to go.

And yet, we chase it. Because deep down, we believe the lie that if we can just do everything perfectly, we’ll finally feel worthy.

Where Does Perfectionism Come From?

If you struggle with perfectionism, you’re not alone. Most of us didn’t just decide to be this way—somewhere along the line, we were taught that our worth was tied to achievement, approval, or external validation.

Some common perfectionist roots include:

• Being praised for achievements, not effort. If you grew up hearing, “Wow, you’re so smart!” instead of, “Wow, you worked really hard on that,” you may have learned that your value comes from being flawless instead of persistent. A study by Mueller and Dweck (1998) found that children praised for intelligence were more likely to avoid challenges and show less persistence when faced with difficulty.
• Fear of criticism or failure. You might associate imperfection with shame if you’ve been punished—literally or emotionally—for making mistakes.
• Comparison culture. Social media has made it way too easy to compare our behind-the-scenes mess to someone else’s curated highlight reel. The more we see “perfect” lives online, the more we feel like we’re falling short.
• People-pleasing tendencies. If you’ve spent years trying to be what others expect you to be, perfectionism can become a survival strategy—one that keeps you constantly exhausted.

But here’s the thing: Perfectionism isn’t protecting you. It’s trapping you.

How Perfectionism Holds You Back

If perfectionism worked, we’d all be wildly successful, completely fulfilled, and at peace with ourselves. But it doesn’t. Instead, it sabotages us in sneaky ways:

• It keeps you stuck in procrastination. When you believe something has to be perfect, you’ll either delay starting or never finish because “it’s not ready yet.”
• It makes you terrified of failure. Instead of seeing mistakes as growth opportunities, you see them as proof that you’re not enough. This can lead to unrealistically high standards for yourself, a fear of negative feedback, and increased vulnerability, depression, and anxiety.
• It drains your mental energy. Constantly second-guessing yourself, redoing things, or overworking to prove yourself is exhausting.
• It steals your joy. Even when you accomplish something great, you can’t fully enjoy it because you’re already thinking about what you could have done better.

Sound familiar? Yeah. Same.

How to Break Free from the Perfectionism Trap

If perfectionism has been your default setting for years, breaking free from it won’t happen overnight. But it is possible. And it starts with one radical truth:

💡 Done is better than perfect.

That phrase? Life-changing. Here’s how to start embracing it:

1. Reframe Failure as Learning

Perfectionists fear failure because we see it as evidence that we’re not good enough. But failure isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s just data.

Think about how toddlers learn to walk. They fall a lot. But they don’t sit down after falling and think, Well, I guess I’mjust bad at this. No—they keep going because failing is part of the process.

If you never allow yourself to fail, you never allow yourself to grow.

2. Set “Good Enough” Goals

Instead of trying to do everything perfectly, set a goal that’s achievable and sustainable.

• If you’re a writer, aim to finish a blog post instead of endlessly tweaking it.
• If you’re launching something new, set a deadline and stick to it—even if it’s not flawless.
• If you’re working on self-care, focus on consistency over perfection.

3. Stop Letting the “Last 10%” Steal Your Progress

Perfectionists spend way too much time obsessing over tiny details that no one else even notices. That final 10% of over-polishing a project? It’s stealing your time and energy.

Instead, ask yourself: Would this still be effective if I stopped here? If the answer is yes, stop. Ship it. Move on.

4. Detach Your Worth from Your Output

You are not your work. You are not your achievements. You are not your productivity.

You are worthy because you exist. Period.

The more you remind yourself of this, the less power perfectionism has over you.

5. Celebrate Imperfect Action

The more you practice imperfection, the easier it gets. Post the thing. Launch the project. Say yes before you feel fully ready. Let yourself be seen—messy, human, and in progress.

Because that is what real confidence looks like.

The Freedom of Letting Go

Imagine how much lighter you’d feel if you stopped chasing impossible standards.

Imagine how much more you could create, experience, and enjoy if you let go of the need to get everything exactly right.

Perfectionism is a lie. You don’t have to prove yourself. You don’t have to overwork, overanalyze, or overthink your way into being worthy.

You already are. 💛