There’s a moment—sometimes it happens in your 30s, sometimes in your 40s or 50s—when you realize that the life you’ve been living is not necessarily the life you want to keep living. It sneaks up on you in quiet ways. A simmering frustration. A nagging voice whispering, Is this it? A moment of exhaustion when you realize you’ve been sprinting toward something that may not even be meant for you.

For many women, that moment comes in middle age, when we’ve spent years wearing so many hats—mother, partner, professional, friend, caretaker—that we forget what it feels like just to be ourselves.

This was the heart of my recent conversation with Cari Kaufman, a branding powerhouse and all-around truth-teller. We talked about the layers of expectations we carry, the things we say yes to because we think we should, and the realization that comes—sometimes like a whisper, sometimes like a freight train—that it’s okay to put it all down.

Because, as Cari said, “Your purpose isn’t something you have to go find. It’s something you’ve been carrying with you all along.”

The Myth of “Finding” Purpose

We’ve been sold this idea that purpose is something external, some grand discovery waiting in the world for us to stumble upon. But what if we’ve had it backward?

What if purpose isn’t about finding anything at all—but about remembering?

Like so many of ours, Cari’s journey has been filled with pivots. She’s worn the uniform of a soldier, the badge of a corporate leader, the identity of a mom. Each stage of her life required her to shift and adapt to become what was needed. But through all those changes, she remained the same at her core—a problem solver, a communicator, a storyteller.

Her passions have shifted—because passions do. But her purpose? That has remained steady, like the thread that ties every chapter of her life together.

We often mistake our roles for our purpose. But what happens when the role changes? What happens when the kids grow up, the job evolves, the responsibilities shift?

If our sense of purpose is tied to what we do, losing that role can feel like losing a part of ourselves. But when we step back, we realize that our purpose was never the job, the title, or the role.

It was us…all along.

Letting Go of What No Longer Fits

One of the biggest lessons of midlife is that it’s okay to let go of what no longer serves us.

Sometimes, that’s a job that drains us. Sometimes, it’s a relationship that no longer aligns. And sometimes, it’s an identity we’ve outgrown—one we clung to because it was comfortable, because it was familiar, because it felt safe.

But safety and growth rarely go hand in hand.

Cari talked about the moment she realized she was tired of waiting for someday. After a serious health crisis and major surgery, she had an awakening: What if “someday, maybe” never comes?

How many of us are waiting for the “right time” to start living the life we actually want?

The right time to take care of our health…
The right time to write the book…
The right time to make the move, have the conversation, take the leap.

But there is no right time. There is only right now.

So Cari and her husband stopped waiting and started hiking, something they had always talked about but never actually did. It was hard at first, and the trails weren’t easy. But in that challenge, they found something more—each other, their rhythm, their balance, their presence in the moment.

We don’t have to climb mountains to change our lives. But we do have to take the first step, even if it’s small.

The Power of Self-Trust

One of the most profound shifts that happens in midlife is learning to trust ourselves again.

For so long, we’ve been conditioned to look outward for approval. We measure success by external markers—titles, salaries, relationships, and how well we fit society’s expectations.

But what happens when we start listening to our own voice?

For Cari, that voice used to be drowned out by the noise of what she thought she was supposed to be. The mom who did it all. The woman who proved herself. The achiever, the perfectionist, the caretaker.

But something happens when you finally let go.

That’s the real magic of midlife. The freedom that comes with knowing that you no longer have to perform. You no longer have to prove anything.

Because who you are is already enough.

Middle Age Isn’t a Crisis. It’s an Invitation.

We talk about midlife like it’s something to fear—like it’s the beginning of the end. But what if it’s actually the beginning of becoming?

Yes, our bodies change. Yes, our priorities shift. Yes, things don’t work the way they used to.

But we also gain so much.
We gain clarity—about who we are and what we actually want.
We gain freedom—from the expectations that weighed us down.
We gain permission—to finally, truly live for ourselves.

Maybe you’re in this season right now. Maybe you’re feeling that simmering restlessness, that pull toward something more, even if you don’t know what it is yet.

If that’s you, here’s your permission slip. 

You don’t have to stay in a space that no longer fits, and You can stop chasing something outside of yourself.

You are allowed to change, grow, and fully embrace yourself.

And the best part?

The right time isn’t someday. It’s right now.